I was never ashamed of disclosing that pof and MySpace we’re my first ever dating apps. Online dating at sixteen while my aim away message remained on was my second favorite thing to do, my first fav was eating cheese it’z. I swiped a lot, flirted a lot, and had my gfs on my top eight. I dated and dated and dated, and swiped and swiped and swiped. It wasn’t until my mid twenties when I began to realize that every girl that social media brought my way that I decided to have a relationship with was unhealthy and dangerous. You know the ones that make you fall in love with their bones, even though someone else was kissing them goodnight? The ones that knew just what cold brew made your day but wouldn’t claim you as their “gf”? The ones that made your soul come alive, and those butterflies in your tummy fly, yet somehow proceeded with police reports and courts? It felt so good to be in something so bad, and i just kept repeating it, relationship after relationship. I thought I put a puzzle piece together when I dissected some family trauma. What dad did to mom was normal and first nature, and so I practiced what I knew. I loved to love what was bitter and bad. I wanted what was normal to me, so how do I learn to love what’s better and abnormal to me ? I promise you that I am not alone when I say that there is a kind of high in relationships that shouldn’t be my forever, or yours. And so here I am now, with someone who is everything I deserve and the epitome of the perfect girl, yet I am struggling to feel fulfilled with us. Please don’t tell my “better” that often I contemplate replacing her with someone “bitter“. - Anonymous