I think too much. To the point of which I think about things I shouldn’t, or don’t want to at the very least. A gesture I made last week. A conversation I had 3 years ago that still doesn’t sit with me well.
I also have a good memory. If I can remember specific conversations from years ago, does that mean I hold onto things too much? Am I weird for being the way I am? Is something wrong with me?
Both of these qualities give me trust issues. Issues with trusting what someone is saying to my face because I heard them tell a little white lie before. If someone can lie about something so minuscule, then what will keep them from lying about something more important? White lies, big lies, they’re all the same. But, maybe that is my overthinking kicking in.
With both of these qualities comes attention to detail. That makes it easier for over-thinkers to make up scenarios in their head. Scenarios that aren’t realistic, but seem too real.
Overthinking, attention to detail, good memory. 2 of which can be considered good qualities, but all 3? Oh, that’s a disaster. A disaster that can distort happiness in much less time than it takes to become happy. We feel too much, but keep it all inside. It’s better that way. That’s what we tell ourselves, until we don’t know how to express anything we’re feeling. Or even get to a point where we don’t really know what to feel. Then, poof. We explode. Explode on people that have no idea what we are going through. It’s a lonely curse, but not anymore. I’m thankful for this book. I don’t know about all over-thinkers, but I’m much better at forming thoughts and acknowledging my feelings on paper.
My feelings matter. My page matters.